Isabella Grace-ious

Isabella Grace
The story of the girl who changes my life

Monday, July 19, 2010

Jumping bean

It seems like forever since I last updated, and because we have been uber busy with the day to day routine, I just haven't felt like there has been a minute of my time that I would rather blog than just lay on the couch for a short break. Soo now my guilt about not writing on here has finally overtaken my laziness during Noah's nap hour and here I am.

The last couple of weeks have kind of been up and down for me emotionally. Just when I think I have gotten a handle of Isabella's lack of a diagnosis my fear bubbles over again and punches me in the gut. I always go back to the lingering possibility that maybe she has something more serious than we think that will only later present itself as a progressive disease. And when that recurring nightmare starts back up again I go into self-sabatage mode and start my ever lasting internet search for possibilites of an answer. It almost always starts at where I do a search for all of her multiple symptoms (hypotonia, skin mottling, high lactic acid, developmental delay.....) and I always come up with at least one thing that could possibly be IT... and then I mourn and cry and let myself be eaten up with worry over the WHAT IF's and the WHAT IF NOTs and I can't eat or sleep or even be nice to my poor hubby. My poor hubby that takes all the brunt of my maternal fears and manages to talk me back to reality even after I blow up on him multiple times just because HE isn't in freak out mode too. But all it really takes is for him to tell me that today she is happy and healthy and perfect and if I don't take advantage of that right now, I might not have the opportunity to do it later...and eventually I get my emotions back on track.

So that's what I've been doing. Venturing back and forth from fear-of-not-knowing land and it has not been fun. But Isabella keeps progressing dispite my fear, and that helps bring me back to sanity. Especially this week's new milestone...SHE IS JUMPING!!! Which honestly has been something that I thought that she might never do. Ever. I even told Nik just last month that I have finally accepted the fact that she might never jump because I realized that who cares, jumping won't make her any better or worse at being the sweetest person this world will ever meet. So imagine my shock when I picked her up from school last wednesday and she got all excited to see me and started jumping up and down (not very elegantly but actually getting her stubby little feet a centimeter off the ground none the less.) I actually started tearing up and clapping and jumping up and down with her. Her summer teachers must have thought I was crazy but I don't think they knew that this has been on her physical therapy goal list for over a year and a half now. And she is so proud of herself that she takes to jumping all day long now. While watching tv she jumps. While playing with her doll house she takes a minute to start jumping. While waiting for me to strap Noah in his carseat before I put her into hers she practices. It might be one of my favorite things in the world to watch because it takes her 2 or three attempts before she gets one solid off the ground jump in there, but she ALWAYS keeps trying until she gets a good one in. And then she claps for herself and beams wildly and does it again. Ohhhh the joy of success.

I think she knows how far she has come because lately she has been much less hesitant to try new things... things that would cause her to kick and scream in fear before are now obsacles for her to overcome. And I think she enjoys having pride in what she is doing because she will do something new that I can tell she isn't enjoying just so she can smile at me proudly when she is done. And sometimes she doesn't even try to do it again, just knowing that she CAN do it when she wants to is enough for her. And her pride in herself and my pride for her go toe-to-toe at the finish line of the milestone race. And I don't even care who crosses first because the best part is sharing in these experiences with her.

I don't even need to remind myself lately that overall I wouldn't change a thing about her or our lives since she has been born. Isabella's journey has taken me to a whole new level of strength that I never even dreamed I could posess. And traveling on this journey with her has led me to so many new friendships that I couldn't imagine living without now... this new support system that I have gained has been there rooting us on when we feel like we are flailing helplessly and cheering for us when we cross that milestone finish line with pride. I have gained a feeling of being connected to people in a way I have never felt before all because we share the experience of raising a child who has changed our entire view on life and what it really means to be happy. So to all of my new but lifelong friends: you are my backbone holding me up and making me stand tall when I feel like crumbling, and you make this life of ours more meaningful. Excuse the sap, but I really appreciate you all. Part of the best part of parenting for me has been having others share my joy in watching my children grow and because of you I get to have this AND partake in enjoying watching YOUR children grow. A total win-win deal for me :)

I've tried to take some pictures of her jumping, but I've yet to catch the perfect mid-air shot, so I'll attach the best that I have so far. I can't wait to see what accomplishment she will jump to next :)

I'll try to post again sometime this week with more pictures and updates of what we've been up to lately...I need to get myself back on track with Blogger, I forgot how theraputic it is!


  1. so sweet. that second picture caused a little tear to escape and roll down my cheek. experiencing the joy of her jumping first-hand is an experience i won't soon forget. i glanced at you when she was doing it, and you were beaming. it's delightful to see you take such pleasure in your beautiful daughter. your delight gives me delight. :) go bella!!

  2. aww jen i heart you. i'd say both of our girls have given us quite a bit to be proud of lately!

  3. i agree!! i was watching meggie running in the hall today and can't believe that our non-walking days were just 20 short days ago. god, i love progress.

  4. NO te desanimes y lucha! los niños tienen una capacidad de recuperación mágica, pero hay que trabajar, no te hundas y lucha por ella.
    Comprendo muy bien tus lágrimas.
    Cuando en el futuro mires hacia atrás veras lo que es capaz de lograr tu hija, pero sigue adelante.